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Subject: summer of spaciousness
I haven’t had a “summer vacation” since I was a wee babe.
The day after my high school graduation, I started taking summer classes at my local community college.
While most of my peers were sleeping in or backpacking through Europe, I was settling into a mustard-yellow plastic chair, preparing my psyche for an enthralling lecture about US History with a professor plucked straight out of a 1970’s porno video.
I filled my summers with college classes all the way through graduate school (but my professors were never as mesmerizing as Mr. Mustache). History, Biology, Algebra, Introduction to Family Therapy. I was unstoppable!
Why did I sacrifice my summers for coursework? Because it meant I would graduate FASTER.
I got my bachelor’s in 3 years and my dual certification master’s in just under 2 years. Isn’t that impressive? Don’t you think I’m smart and efficient???
Go, go, go. Fast, fast, fast. Work, work, work.
That’s the sound of internalized capitalism, an infection embedded deep in my bones.
Until now!
For the first time in my adult life, I’ve been truly enjoying my summer.
Since May, I’ve taken 3 personal trips, hosted a beautiful retreat for my private clients, attended masterminds in NYC and San Francisco, and spent hours sitting in my backyard watching these baby birds.
Stepping away from work and into the summer sunshine has been magically expansive.
It’s also helped me see how I’ve been neglecting my need for spaciousness and silence.
If I don’t prioritize spaciousness and time for silence, my default mode kicks in and pulls me down a productivity rabbit hole. Productivity is a slippery slope, isn’t it?
We tell ourselves we’re doing something useful, something that will “move the needle” and get us closer to our goals. But really, productivity is the manifestation of faster, faster, faster.
No one is immune to this conditioning!
Our society teaches us that our value and worthiness are based on our productivity. The more we have to show for ourselves, the more we deserve love and praise. Sound familiar?
Remember what I said earlier about internalized capitalism being an infection embedded deep in our bones? For me, spaciousness and silence are the antidote to the infection.
When I’m quiet, it doesn’t take long to hear the truth.
The truth about…
👉 how I’m really doing
👉 what I need to be well
👉 what I actually want to be doing
👉 when it’s time to take action
👉 when it’s time to rest
👉 who I should be spending time with
👉 who I should not be spending time with
I mean, that’s a lot of valuable information!
And it’s information I simply cannot access when I’m caught in the cogs of my business.
My summer of spaciousness is reminding me how vitally important it is to walk away from the inner-workings of my business every now and then.
It’s not possible to be uber productive and deeply attuned to yourself at the same time! When you’re pushing, working, and producing with no end in sight, you’re robbing yourself of your most precious asset — your intuition.
Walking away from productivity conditioning (which I’m going to call deprogramming from capitalism) is the hardest work I’ve ever done, and on the other side, I’m discovering a depth and richness in my life I didn’t know was possible.
I want that depth and richness for you too.
I’d love to know, what’s the first thought that pops into your head when you think about stepping away from productivity and into spaciousness?
Tell me the truth. No thought or feeling is off limits.
Just to normalize this for you, here are a few of the recurring characters that pop into my brain as work towards less doing and more being in my own life…
Fear → If I stop being productive, everything I’ve built will fall apart.
It won’t.
Defensiveness → Sounds like a pipedream only available to the privileged!
There is definitely privilege in this conversation. It’s privilege we can use to dismantle the system / cure the infection that’s killing all of us.
Sadness → This is true and depressing and I don’t see a way out for me.
Grief is a mandatory part of this process. Feel the grief and you’ll find your way to freedom.
So, who are your recurring characters? What parts of you stop you from enjoying your summer vacation (literally or figuratively)?
I’d love to meet them. ❤️
Warmly,
Maegan
