Chirp-chirp-chirp-cheeeeee! Chirp-chirp-chirp-cheeeeee!

That’s the sound of my daily 5am wake-up call courtesy of the cute lil’ bird squatting in the laurel bush outside my bedroom window.

I don’t mind waking up early, but her morning song is more fire alarm reverberating in a metal building than a pleasant woodland melody.

On Monday, her song jolted me awake from a series of stress dreams in which I was either:

(A) running late,
(B) searching for something I couldn’t find,
(C) trying to convince someone to listen to me, or
(D) ALL OF THE ABOVE

Part of me was grateful for the wake-up call, and part of me was full of FURY — that special flavor of rage that overtakes you when startled out of a vulnerable state of slumber. Just me??

Anyway, it was Monday morning after a week off for my birthday. My first week off to rest and relax since December. This year has been mega challenging for me. We recently returned from almost three months on the East Coast, supporting my husband’s parents after a series of medical crises turned their lives upside down.

We drove across the country — a long, six-day journey from Oregon to Virginia — so our elderly dog could come with us.

The long days on the road gave me time to reflect on the privilege of being self-employed and working virtually. Jonathan and I have intentionally created a life liberated from the constraints of 9-to-5 employment, and here was an opportunity to put that privilege to good use.

It was an honor to support them, and it was exhausting.

So, my birthday week of rest and relaxation was much needed… but I put too much pressure on the week to recharge my depleted batteries.

I had a vision of waking up Monday morning feeling 100% recharged.

It seemed like a reasonable expectation…

I mean, my week was a total delight! I only did things I wanted to do, took it slow, did just enough socializing to warm my heart without wearing me out, and felt my spark slowly sputtering back to life. Success!

I *wanted* to be back at 100% on Monday morning because I’ve missed being fully immersed and connected to my work.

But alas, feeling recharged and raring to go was not in the cards for me this week. (That’s true metaphorically and literally. The oracle cards I pulled on Monday said to expect less spark and more lethargy this week! Annoying.)

To add insult to injury…

I’ve found myself fantasizing a lot lately about shutting down my businesses and getting a job working for someone else.

OH NO! DANGER SIGN!

To be clear, I think it’s totally healthy to have an escape fantasy.

Imagining a quiet life working at the library, baking croissants, or working with a dream team of humans doing work you love (but aren’t responsible for) is a good way to let off some steam when the pressure of running your business feels like too much.

But there is a tipping point when the escape fantasy stops letting off steam and starts pulling you deeper and deeper into the abyss — a scary place with no wifi signal where no one cares about your work and there’s NO HOPE FOR YOUR FUTUUUUUUREEEE!

Wowza. That got dark real quick.

I’m sharing this because I have a feeling you have your own version of The Abyss and know what it’s like to feel stuck in low power mode, even when all you want is to get back to your creative, motivated, passionate self.

Many of my friends and clients are feeling similarly.

>> “Nothing is working and I feel like a loser.”
>> “Why am I not getting more new clients? I’m starting to panic!”
>> “Is it even worth trying when the robots are taking over anyway?”

All valid feelings and questions. And this week, I’m in it with you.

Here’s the pep talk I’m giving myself this week…

If you’re also riding the struggle bus on your way to The Abyss this week, I hope these words resonate for you. And if you’re in a great place right now, GREAT. We need you to hold down the fort of hopefulness and possibility while we descend into the darkness for a minute. We’ll return the favor when we inevitably swap positions in a few weeks.

I’d really love to know where you’re at right now.

Hit reply and share which of the following is true for you:

1. I’m on the struggle bus, too.
2. I’m feeling great right now.

You can copy/paste whichever feels more true for you. It’ll take 3 seconds and make me feel REALLY GOOD. And don’t you want to make me feel good????????

I jest. But for real, let me know what’s up for you.

Life is better when we’re connected to each other.

P.S. I’m sending this newsletter without proofreading because I can’t be bothered today. Let my typos remind you that I am human and no robots were involved in the making of this email.

Anyone else feeling like this lately?

We’re getting pummeled from all directions.

Business revenue down, illnesses that won’t quit, unpredictable winter storms, rising costs of everything, fascist takeovers and horrific attacks…

You know that feeling when you’re swimming in the ocean, and you go out just a smidge too far? You can’t touch the bottom. The waves are getting bigger. Each time you come up for air, bam, another wave drags you under.

That’s exactly how I’m feeling.

Now, before I continue, let me just say:

Dear reader, I hope this email doesn’t apply to you!

I hope your business is solid, your heart is open, and you’re feeling so hopeful about the future. If that’s true, please, take your light and shine it as far and wide as possible. We need you.

Buuut…

If being pummeled by dodgeballs and drowning under ocean waves resonates with you on a somatic level, this is for you.

Yes, the waves are relentless right now.

Each time you think you’re standing on solid ground — which is when you do things like make plans, start new projects and collaborations, put energy into growing your business — you get dragged under by more bad news.

I am right there with you, friend.

There’s a part of me that wants to crawl under my blankets and hide. But I’m not going to do that. Life is calling me forward. She is calling us all forward — towards a better world, a brighter future.

I want to share how I’m moving forward in ways that honor my physical and emotional capacity in the hopes that it helps you move forward, too.

How to Keep Moving Forward
​(without bypassing what is hard)

Step 1. Release the need to know the answer.

Questions I’ve asked myself in the past 48 hours:

• Why is this happening?
• What can I do about it?
• What is going to happen next?
• When will things get better?

My default coping mechanism is to try to make it all make sense. If I just have the right story, told in the right way, I’ll see the thruline and know exactly what to do next.

That strategy has worked out for me approximately zero times.

I’m exhausting myself trying to answer unanswerable questions in an attempt to feel safe. Why? Because uncertainty is scary! Especially when you’re a business owner carrying the financial burden for your family. Our survival instincts are kicking in, for better or for worse.

But the reality is, we don’t know the answers to these questions.

Instead of stress-spiraling into a pit of existential doom, I suggest we let go of the need to know the answers and redirect our energy toward something more helpful…

Step 2. Regulate yourself and find your steady center.

Ahh, yes. Nervous system regulation, my old friend.

You can’t control what’s happening in the world, but you can tend to your personal nervous system. You can calm yourself down. Pull yourself out of fight-or-flight. Root down into the earth.

The best thing we can do right now (as business owners and people on the planet) is to stay regulated, rooted, and centered.

When’s the last time you felt connected to your center?

You know you’ve found your center when you feel an internal steadiness that makes you unshakeable. You’re calm, clear, and capable of responding (not reacting) to whatever life throws your way.

 I listen to this Aretha song when I need help connecting to my center.​

We can’t stop the world from spinning, but we can stop ourselves from spinning. That’s what the world needs right now — more adults with rock steady centers leading with love and kindness.

Once you’re back in your steady center, you can…

Step 3. Clarify and commit to sharing ONE thing.

When life gets chaotic, I default to one of these coping mechanisms:

1. Go into overdrive and try to solve every problem
2. Collapse into bed to reread the Sarah J Maas catalogue

These are my “Hey, you’re not in your steady center!” red flag behaviors.

They might feel good in the moment, but neither behavior is sustainable in the long term. What I really need is to align my physical and energetic capacity with the ways I’m feeling called to be of service in the moment.

Here’s an example:

When life threw me a major curveball in January, I knew I needed to end the Sabbatical School launch early (while celebrating the 11 incredible students who enrolled during the early-bird period!) and refocus my energy on offering my free Clear Your Cache workshop instead.

I didn’t have the capacity to see the launch through to the end, but that didn’t mean I needed to crawl under my blankets and hide. I found my steady center and asked for guidance on what I could offer now. Voila!

This is what I want to invite you to do now.

After you shake off the need to know the answers to any/all questions on your mind, regulate your nervous system, and reconnect to your steady center, ask yourself:

• What is one thing I feel called to share right now?
• Who do I feel called to share it with?
• How can I honor my capacity in the process?

It’s best to keep this one thing very, very simple.

Here are some options:

• I feel called to share love and peace.
• I feel called to share trust and patience.
• I feel called to share energy for action.
• I feel called to share space to rage and grieve.
• I feel called to share kindness and compassion.

Clear Your Cache was created from my clarity that I felt called to share regulation and energy for action. This email was created from my clarity to share trust and love.

Once you know the frequency you’re holding in your body, you can use your mind to think of a way to share it with ease.

We can trust this moment.

We can trust each other.

We can continue sharing what we’re meant to share — even if we have to scale back our offerings, adjust our well-intentioned business plans, or put a pin in the big dreams we don’t have the capacity to bring forward just yet.

So tell me, what do YOU feel called to share right now?

Hit reply and share it with me. I would be honored to receive it.