This blog was originally sent as an email newsletter on January 9, 2024, with the subject line: important question. Want to receive these blog posts directly in your inbox? You can opt-in to Maegan’s email list at the bottom of this page.
How do you feel when you look at your to-do list?
Does your body release a big sigh of relief as you mindfully observe your color-coded tasks and luxuriate in your spacious calendar? Or do you feel a constricting sigh of stress knowing a tsunami of overwhelm is about to wash you away into the depths of despair?
Since you’re here, I’m guessing you chose the tsunami. 😉
Your reaction to your to-do list speaks volumes about your relationship with burnout.
If I looked at your to-do list right now and asked you to delete half of your tasks, what would you say to me? How fiercely would you defend your to-do list? Most importantly, would you be able to suppress the urge to punch me in the face?
That fierce resistance is fueled by three underlying beliefs…
→ The tasks on my to-do list are URGENT.
→ The tasks on my to-do list are MANDATORY.
→ The tasks on my to-do list are NECESSARY.
Sometimes, those things are true, but most of the time, they’re just an illusion.
I’m willing to bet most things on your to-do list could be eliminated without any detrimental consequences, yet you’re still convinced you have to do them.
When we’re burned out, we live in survival mode.
Our logical minds know we aren’t in danger, but our nervous systems are stuck on high alert.
→ Every task feels urgent because we’re afraid of letting people down.
→ Every task feels mandatory because we’re afraid we’ll fail if we don’t do enough.
→ Every task feels necessary because we’re afraid of spiraling into financial ruin.
This isn’t a joke—we genuinely feel threatened by all of these things. We tell ourselves we’ll be okay as long as we follow the rules and keep the plates spinning by doing all of the things right now.
But we’re not okay! We’re burned out and exhausted.
Luckily, we can teach our bodies that our tasks are not threats by experiencing the safety and relief of saying, “I’m not going to do that.”
Here’s a simple (and gentle) system for doing this…
Look at your to-do list and identify one task that makes you cringe. Maybe it’s something you’ve been putting off, something that makes you say, “I’d rather poke myself in the eye with a stick than do this thing.”
Now say, “Maegan, I really need to (insert your task here).”
Imagine I’m listening and nodding along.
Then I ask you, “… but do you REALLY need to do that?”
When we question our tasks, we slow down our automatic stress response by giving ourselves time to assess whether the task is truly mandatory, urgent, or necessary. The next time you look at the tasks on your to-do list, ask yourself, “Do I REALLY need to do this?” Sometimes, the answer is yes, but you probably have more options than you realize.
Here are a few follow-up questions you might find helpful:
- Who told me I must do this thing?
- Who made the rule about how (and when) this needs to be done?
- Is it really true that not doing this will lead to my financial ruin?
- Will anyone be harmed if I don’t do this right now?
- Will I feel better if I give myself permission not to do this thing?
The only thing I want you to do today is ask the question and notice your answer.
Don’t throw your to-do list in the garbage! Instead, keep going business as usual, gently and intentionally sprinkling these questions throughout your day. Then, notice what feels different. See if you glean any unexpected nuggets of wisdom.
You will feel resistance when you question your to-do list. When you do, take a deep breath and meet your resistance with compassion.
But whatever you do, don’t stop questioning.
The answers to these questions will create a map you can use to navigate out of burnout.
Talk soon,
Maegan
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